Understand Why Someone With Dementia Says Mean Things
First, its important to understand why this hurtful behavior is happening.
Dementia is a brain disease that causes parts of the brain to shrink and lose their function, resulting in cognitive impairment.
These different parts control functions like memory, personality, behavior, and speech. Dementia also damages the ability to control impulses, which means actions arent intentional.
Even though its difficult, do your best to remember that they truly dont intend the mean things they say.
These mean comments and hurtful accusations often happen because the person is unable to express whats actually bothering them.
It could be triggered by something in their environment that causes discomfort, pain, fear, anxiety, helplessness, confusion, or frustration.
Working to accept the fact that theyre not doing this on purpose helps reduce stress and makes their behavior easier to manage.
The overall strategy is to take a deep breath, remind yourself that its not personal, take care of immediate discomfort or fear, and try to find the cause behind the behavior.
Next, look for long-term solutions that will help you get the support and rest you need to keep your cool in challenging situations like these.
Tips For Dealing With Aggressive Behavior In Dementia
1. Be prepared with realistic expectationsReminding yourself that challenging behavior and aggressive outbursts are normal symptoms of dementia helps you respond in a calm and supportive way.
Knowing that these episodes are a common part of the disease reduces your shock and surprise when it does happen and may also make it a little easier to not take the behavior personally.
2. Try to identify the immediate cause or triggerThink about what happened just before the aggressive outburst started. Something like fear, frustration, or pain might have triggered it.
For example, your older adult might start yelling at empty areas of the room and telling people to get out. Looking around, you might notice that the room is starting to get darker because its early evening. The dim light causes shadowing in the corners of the room, making it seem like there are people in the corner.
After identifying that potential trigger, turn on the lights to get rid of the shadowy corners. That will hopefully help you older adult calm down. And, in the future youll know to turn on the lights before the room gets too dim.
In another example, you could have unintentionally approached your older adult from behind and startled them. In a sensitive moment, that could make them feel attacked and so they lash out in what they perceive as self-defense.
3. Rule out pain as the cause of the behaviorPain and physical discomfort can trigger aggressive behavior in someone with dementia.
Remember: Your Needs As A Caregiver Matter Too
Dealing with dementia behaviors can quickly wear out a caregiver or family member, causing caregiver burnout.
If your loved ones dementia behaviors have progressed to the point where you cannot manage them alone, help is available. Senior care options like home care or memory care can help relieve some of the caregiving burden while also helping to keep your loved one safe.
If you are feeling resentment, anxiety, or depression, seek help. A caregiver support group, counselor, friend, or family member can offer camaraderie and advice.
Other families, other caregivers, are going through the same thing, Hashmi says. They have a lot of common challenges and common solutions to share. And often those are the most effective, because theyre going through exactly the same process.
Also Check: What Causes Lewy Body Dementia
Things Not To Say To Someone With Dementia
Speaking to an elderly loved one with dementia can be difficult and emotionally draining. Alzheimers and dementia can lead to conversations that dont make sense, are inappropriate or uncomfortable, and may upset a family caregiver. However, over time, its important to adapt to the seniors behavior, and understand that their condition doesnt change who they are.
For senior caregivers, its important to always respond with patience. Here are some things to remember not to say to someone with dementia, and what you can say instead.
1. Youre wrong
For experienced caregivers, this one may seem evident. However, for someone who hasnt dealt with loss of cognitive function before, it can be hard to go along with something a loved one says that clearly isnt true. Theres no benefit to arguing, though, and its best to avoid upsetting a senior with dementia, who is already in a vulnerable emotional state due to confusion.
Instead, change the subject.
Its best to distract, not disagree. If an elderly loved one makes a wrong comment, dont try to fight them on it just change the subject and talk about something else ideally, something pleasant, to change their focus. There are plenty of things not to say to someone with dementia, but if theres one to remember, its anything that sounds like youre wrong.
2. Do you remember?
Instead, say: I remember
3. They passed away.
Instead
4. I told you
Instead, repeat what you said.
Instead, leave the room.
Ask Very Simple Questions
Any questions you ask should be easy to understand and answer. Instead of saying, Hi Richard, We were wondering if you might want to take a walk before going to eat your lunch this afternoon? try Richard, can we go for a walk? or Richard, its time to eat. Always address them with their name and allow them a moment to process and react or answer the question. You dont want to overwhelm them with long-winded questions or by asking too many at once.
A great way to continue to promote independence and self-autonomy even as dementia progresses is to offer simple choices. For example, Julio, would you prefer to wear your green shirt or blue shirt today? When you give simple choices, you offer a supportive environment that allows your loved ones with dementia to still have some control over their life.
You May Like: Is Reading Good For Dementia
Finding Care And Support: Tips For People Living With Dementia
Many people may be able to help in different ways. These people might include family members, friends, professional caregivers, community organizations, and others with dementia. For example, you can:
- Ask friends or family to help with needs like cooking, paying bills, transportation, or shopping.
- If you live alone, find people you trust who can visit often.
- Consider letting trusted neighbors know of your diagnosis so they can help if needed.
- Use social service agencies, local nonprofits, and Area Agencies on Aging to connect with in-home help, transportation, meals, and other services.
Caregiving In The Middle Stages Of Alzheimers Or Dementia
As your loved ones Alzheimers disease or dementia symptoms progress, theyll require more and more careand youll need more and more support as their caregiver. Your loved one will gradually experience more extensive memory loss, may become lost in familiar settings, no longer be able to drive, and fail to recognize friends and family. Their confusion and rambling speech can make communicating more of a challenge and they may experience disturbing mood and behavior changes along with sleep problems.
Youll need to take on more responsibilities as your loved one loses independence, provide more assistance with the activities of daily living, and find ways of coping with each new challenge. Balancing these tasks with your other responsibilities requires attention, planning, and lots of support.
Ask for help. You cannot do it all alone. Its important to reach out to other family members, friends, or volunteer organizations to help with the daily burden of caregiving. Schedule frequent breaks throughout the day to pursue your hobbies and interests and stay on top of your own health needs. This is not being neglectful or disloyal to your loved one. Caregivers who take regular time away not only provide better care, they also find more satisfaction in their caretaking roles.
Don’t Miss: What Stage Of Dementia Is Word Salad
Let Our Care Assessment Guide You
Our free tool provides options, advice, and next steps based on your unique situation.
The classic line I always use is that this is the disease talking. It is not the person, Hashmi says. There is a lack of awareness in that moment. Its not your mom or dad or spouse saying that. Its the disease.
When you are faced with a loved ones aggression, Hashmi suggests employing these 4 Rs:
When theyre feeling calmer, Hashmi says, you can try asking yes/no questions to help determine whether an unmet need is causing the behavior. Ask: Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Are you in pain? Are you tired?
Hiding Hoarding And Rummaging Through Items
Your loved one, over time, may begin the practice of collecting, hiding, and hoarding items. Hiding items is normally a harmless behavior however, more advanced cases can pose serious health risks.
Common Causes of Hiding, Hoarding, and Rummaging
Hiding items can be a very confusing behavior to encounter however, the causes of this behavior are rooted in confusion and often communicate the need for security, novelty, and control.
-
Inability to distinguish trash from other items
As cognitive functions decline, the ability to distinguish useful items from trash becomes compromised, leading dementia suffers to believe that items of garbage are useful and valuable.
-
Need for security
Collecting items and storing them away indicates that your loved one feels insecure and has begun collecting these items out of fear of needing them some day or out of fear of being robbed.
-
Understimulation
Your loved one may be collecting and hiding items in an attempt to cure boredom and a general lack of stimulating activity.
-
Inability to recall placement of items
Your loved ones hiding of items may also be involuntary. As the ability to recall information degrades as a result of dementia, your loved one may not be able to recall where they placed keys, wallets, remote controls, or other items since they last used them.
Managing and Responding to Hiding, Hoarding, and Rummaging
You May Like: Are There Different Kinds Of Alzheimer’s
Tips For Changes In Communication And Behavior For People With Dementia
Communication can be hard for people with Alzheimers and related dementias because they have trouble remembering things. They also can become agitated and anxious, even angry. In some forms of dementia, language abilities are affected such that people have trouble finding the right words or have difficulty speaking. You may feel frustrated or impatient, but it is important to understand that the disease is causing the change in communication skills. To help make communication easier, you can:
- Reassure the person. Speak calmly. Listen to his or her concerns and frustrations. Try to show that you understand if the person is angry or fearful.
- Allow the person to keep as much control in his or her life as possible.
- Respect the persons personal space.
- Build quiet times into the day, along with activities.
- Keep well-loved objects and photographs around the house to help the person feel more secure.
- Remind the person who you are if he or she doesnt remember, but try not to say, Dont you remember?
- Encourage a two-way conversation for as long as possible.
- Try distracting the person with an activity, such as a familiar book or photo album, if you are having trouble communicating with words.
Make Time For Reflection
At each new stage of dementia, you have to alter your expectations about what your loved one is capable of. By accepting each new reality and taking time to reflect on these changes, you can better cope with the emotional loss and find greater satisfaction in your caregiving role.
Keep a daily journal to record and reflect on your experiences. By writing down your thoughts, you can mourn losses, celebrate successes, and challenge negative thought patterns that impact your mood and outlook.
Count your blessings. It may sound counterintuitive in the midst of such challenges, but keeping a daily gratitude list can help chase away the blues. It can also help you focus on what your loved one is still capable of, rather than the abilities theyve lost.
Value what is possible. In the middle stages of dementia, your loved one still has many abilities. Structure activities to invite their participation on whatever level is possible. By valuing what your loved one is able to give, you can find pleasure and satisfaction on even the toughest days.
Improve your emotional awareness. Remaining engaged, focused, and calm in the midst of such tremendous responsibility can challenge even the most capable caregivers. By developing your emotional awareness skills, however, you can relieve stress, experience positive emotions, and bring new peace and clarity to your caretaking role.
Read Also: How Young Can You Get Dementia
> > > Breaking: Scientist Finds 1 Way To Fix Alzheimer And Memory Loss
A doctor will perform a physical exam to evaluate your mental processes. He or she will also ask you about any medications youre currently taking and any stressful situations youre facing. Your memory loss provider may also ask you about your symptoms and ask you to take notes on how youre feeling. The doctor may recommend that you get an appointment with a neuropsychologist. A neuropsychologist can help you figure out the best way to treat your memory loss.
A doctor will conduct a physical exam to determine the exact cause of your memory loss. He or she will also ask you about your medical history and whether youve experienced other forms of memory loss. After your medical history, your provider will discuss your options for treatment. If youre experiencing severe symptoms of memory loss, you should seek out a professional. It will help you get the right kind of care for your specific situation. So, take action today.
A healthcare provider will perform a physical exam to assess the condition of your memory. He or she will ask you about your family and friends and any medications youre taking. Once he or she has established the root cause, a proper treatment will be given. If you have a mild form of memory loss, you can still function independently and perform everyday tasks. If your symptoms are more severe, you may need to see a medical professional.
Many People Think That Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Is Only Suitable For People Suffering From Alzheimer’s Disease But It Is Also Used In Many Cases
If a patient is suffering from depression and suffering from a depressive disorder, then Cognitive Behaviour Therapy will work very well with them. They will learn techniques and strategies that help them work through their problems and help them overcome their depression.
There are many reasons why a patient should consider Cognitive Behaviour Therapy as part of their treatment. It works very well for many different types of dementia and many different types of conditions.
Read Also: When A Dementia Patient Wants To Go Home
> > > Best Memory Loss Solution Available
If youre experiencing memory loss, you should go to a doctor. Your doctor will perform a physical exam and ask about your symptoms. He or she will also ask you about your medication and any stress youre experiencing. After the exam, he or she will likely ask you to make an appointment with a neuropsychologist. If youre unable to recall the details of your doctor, you may want to consult another healthcare provider.
Common Causes Of Sleep Problems In Dementia Patients
Troubled sleep is thought to be a dementia risk factor as well as a behavioral symptom. Here are some factors that may contribute to your loved ones sleep problems:
- Brain changes. Dementia patients have steeper changes in their brains sleep architecture and their circadian rhythms, causing sleep disturbances.
- Over-the-counter medications. Some over-the-counter medications labeled PM can disrupt sleep by making patients sleep for a bit but then making them more confused or sleepy at the wrong time, Hashmi says.
- Diet. Caffeine, excess sugar , and alcohol can disrupt sleep patterns, Hashmi says.
- Electronic screens. The blue light from a computer, portable electronic devices, and television screens can delay sleep and disturb sleep patterns, Hashmi says.
Recommended Reading: Do Aluminum Pans Cause Alzheimer’s
Do Keep Eye Contact When Speaking
Communicating with a dementia patient requires a lot of patience, especially during later stages of dementia. It is vital to ensure that you talk in a place that has good lighting, a place that is quiet and without too many distractions. Do not try and stand over the person you are talking to, but rather try to be at their level and keep eye contact at all times. Take care to make sure that body language is relaxed and open. Prepare to spend quality time with the person so that they do not feel rushed or like they are a bother.
Stage : Clinginess Or Clingy Dementia
When someone slips into this stagebecoming clingythey are experiencing confusion on such a level that they are commonly unable to do simple tasks when alone, or cannot understand whether its morning or afternoon, Tuesday or Saturday, October or May. They might say, Id feel better if I could hold your arm. They may not be able to verbalize this need and just reach out and take their companions arm. In a crowd, even in a small group, these people sidle closer or lean into their companions. They look for eye contact and want to make eye contact often. For them, at this point most people have become strangerseven family members and dear friendsalthough they will still do their best to mask it. Memories can be recalled and faces placed, but it requires careful leading through a series of related memories to get there, if at all.
Routine and familiarity are now essential. The smallest change can bring on a crisis of fear and confusion. When someone reaches this stage, we need to vigilantly watch for the moment they move to the next level of need, which will be a transition we dare not ignore. The change may be sudden or gradual, the result of a crisis or merely a response to an accumulation of daily failures or irritations. They will now need someone with them at night.
Don’t Miss: What Are Some Of The Early Signs Of Alzheimer’s