Tips For Managing Dementia Wandering
The No. 1 priority is to keep your loved one safe, Hashmi says. He suggests the following actions:
- Secure all doors. Be especially vigilant about doors that lead outside.
- Use technology. Tracking devices and surveillance systems are widely available and affordable.
- Enlist a team. Neighborhood watch groups and local police are often happy to help keep an eye out for your loved one.
Do Try To Be Forgiving And Patient
Do not forget that dementia is the condition that results in irrational behavior and causes dementia sufferers to act the way they do. The patients demand plenty of patience and forgiveness from the people looking after them. Have the heart to let things go instead of carrying grudges around for something that the patient may not be in control of.
The Alzheimers And Dementia Care Journey
Caring for someone with Alzheimers disease or another type of dementia can be a long, stressful, and intensely emotional journey. But youre not alone. In the United States, there are more than 16 million people caring for someone with dementia, and many millions more around the world. As there is currently no cure for Alzheimers or dementia, it is often your caregiving and support that makes the biggest difference to your loved ones quality of life. That is a remarkable gift.
However, caregiving can also become all-consuming. As your loved ones cognitive, physical, and functional abilities gradually diminish over time, its easy to become overwhelmed, disheartened, and neglect your own health and well-being. The burden of caregiving can put you at increased risk for significant health problems and many dementia caregivers experience depression, high levels of stress, or even burnout. And nearly all Alzheimers or dementia caregivers at some time experience sadness, anxiety, loneliness, and exhaustion. Seeking help and support along the way is not a luxury its a necessity.
Just as each individual with Alzheimers disease or dementia progresses differently, so too can the caregiving experience vary widely from person to person. However, there are strategies that can aid you as a caregiver and help make your caregiving journey as rewarding as it is challenging.
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If You’re Struggling To Cope
Carers often find it difficult to talk about the stress involved with caring. If you feel like you’re not managing, don’t feel guilty. There’s help and support available.
You may benefit from counselling or another talking therapy, which may be available online.
Talk to your GP or, if you prefer, you can refer yourself directly to a psychological therapies service.
Do Try To Be Pleasant
Caregivers are also humans who are prone to emotions like anger, stress, impatience, and irritation. Even when one goes through caregiver burnout, it is best that the patient does not get wind of it. It is better to step out of the room and try some breathing exercises to calm down before going back to deal with the dementia patient. Where possible, shelve the bad feelings and try and deal with them later. Dementia patients deal with a lot and they do not need more on their plate if they are to lead fulfilling and happy lives.
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Again You Want To Avoid These Extremes To Do So Here Are Some Healthy Ways To Deal With Anger:
What are some healthy ways you deal with anger? Let us know in the comments.
Bill Amt, LICSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and is the Mental Health Program Manager at Iona Senior Services. As a psychotherapist he works with older adults and caregivers who are coping with the emotional challenges of aging, and he also leads support groups for caregivers and people diagnosed with early-stage dementia. He has a Master of Social Work degree from The Catholic University of America.
Learn To Focus On The Sub Communication
Do not ignore your parent if they are unable to form a proper sentence or frequently seem to jumble up words. Pay attention to how they are feeling when they reach out for help. Also, take into account their primary intentions when they say something to you.
Dealing with an Alzheimers parent involves focusing on whats being communicated and not the words or sentences. Sub communication is the way a person says something.
For instance, your parent might say they are comfortable but the tonality of their voice, facial expressions, and body language may be pointing to something else. Your mom/dad has not turned into a shy person. They simply have lost the ability to say what they feel.
Also, note that you are a make-shift caregiver for your parent. You may not be professional with years of training in the field of nursing. Cut yourself some slack. Do not beat yourself up if you fail to understand your parent.
If you are not a people person, this YouTube video by TJ Guttormsen will help you learn the fundamentals of sub communication.
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How To Talk To A Parent With Dementia
Watching your parents or loved ones age over time with Alzheimers or other mental health disorders can be upsetting and difficult to accept. We know how scary and overwhelming it must be when somebody close to you is diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimers. It feels like receiving a death sentence for a terminal disease. The mere thought of your loved one slowly slipping away from you can be unbearable. It even becomes a struggle on how to talk to a parent with dementia, especially when the disease was detected in the later stages. You get frustrated over how they try to speak their mind but struggle to find the right words youre as confused as they are. Therell be times that talking seems no longer possible and this easily gets you discouraged.
Despite their condition, our parents need all the love, attention and care during this tough time. So, its crucial for family members to be the patients pillar of support and strength from the onset of dementia until its final stages. Preparing how to deal with dementia and how to talk to patients suffering from this dreaded disease is essential. It helps us foster connection and not further strain any relationships.
First, lets dive in deeper with the stages of dementia and their signs or symptoms.
Do Not Argue With Them
Arguing or reasoning with your Alzheimers parent does not help, and most often makes the matter worse. It is common for Alzheimers patients to become paranoid.
If you find yourself getting drawn into arguments started by them take a step back. Breathe deeply and look at things objectively. Always be the one to break away from an argument. Do not wait for a resolution.
Likewise, you also dont want to talk to them condescendingly. If they happen to make a mistake or act irrationally, try distracting them by offering them their favorite food.
You can also play their favorite song. Any kind of distraction helps as long as it gets their mind off from the argument.
Also, you might want to sidetrack the conversation subtly. Sudden changes or movements can make them defensive.
Furthermore, your parent may not be able to discern the content of what you say but they can sense how you feel about it. Be aware of your vocal pitch and tonality. Talk to them softly and slowly. Especially if they are agitated with something.
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Our Very Active Intuitive Thinking Skills
Focusing on the skills they wont lose can diminish mean dementia.
Intuitive Thinking Skill #1Using our five senses.
Dementia takes away our ability to analyze, label and interpret, but dementia does not take away our ability to see, hear, feel, taste and smell. Age might dull our senses, but to the degree theyre still available to us, our senses will provide us with raw data loud and cleardespite dementia. Mean dementia and anger result when caregivers and family members dont realize that their loved ones are still experiencing what they can no longer describe or interpret.
Your loved one is experiencing everything around them and perceiving your emotions as much as ever , but they can no longer remember what happened moments ago or process any reasons for why youre doing what youre doing.
Think about what this means: your loved one is experiencing everything around them and perceiving your emotions as much as ever , but they can no longer remember what happened moments ago or process any reasons for why youre doing what youre doing. Think of the mistaken assumptions they cant avoid. They need us to narrate and explain whats going on, without judgment. They need us to make sure that whatever sensory stimulation comes their way is pleasing and uplifting. They need us to do for them what they can no longer do for themselves: use memory and reasoning to avoid conflict.
Intuitive Thinking Skill #2Feeling our own feelings.
Dealing With A Parent Who Denies Dementia Symptoms
Is Dad or Mom having difficulty remembering appointments or names? Or getting lost coming home from the grocery store? You may notice it is becoming more difficult to have a conversation as your parent becomes confused and cant find the words to finish a sentence.
The signs of dementia are obvious to you, but when you mention the possibility to your parent, they deny the dementia symptoms and refuse to get help. What can you do?
Its important to understand the two main reasons why a parent would deny dementia symptoms:
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Devise A Daily Routine
In much the same way that a familiar home environment is reassuring, establishing a daily sequence of tasks and activities also helps keep Alzheimers patients focused and oriented. Begin by observing your loved ones daily routines and looking for patterns in their mood and behavior. This information will help you alter your expectations and optimize your care plan. For example, if they tend to be less confused and more cooperative in the morning, then adapting your routine to make the most of those lucid moments may help the entire day go more smoothly.
Keep in mind that Alzheimers patients abilities and preferences often fluctuate from day to day, so try to be flexible and adapt as needed. From there, consider incorporating the tips below into your Alzheimers care plan to ensure a long, safe and successful home-based care experience for you and your loved one.
Read more:The Importance of Creating a Daily Routine for Dementia Patients
Develop Helpful Daily Routines
Having general daily routines and activities can provide a sense of consistency for an Alzheimers or dementia patient and help ease the demands of caregiving. Of course, as your loved ones ability to handle tasks deteriorates, youll need to update and revise these routines.
Keep a sense of structure and familiarity. Try to keep consistent daily times for activities such as waking up, mealtimes, dressing, receiving visitors, and bedtime. Keeping these things at the same time and place can help orientate the person with dementia. Use cues to establish the different times of dayopening the curtains in the morning, for example, or playing soothing music at night to indicate bedtime.
Involve your loved one in daily activities as much as theyre able. For example, they may not be able to tie their shoes, but may be able to put clothes in the hamper. Clipping plants in the yard may not be safe, but they may be able to weed, plant, or water.
Vary activities to stimulate different sensessight, smell, hearing, and touchand movement. For example, you can try singing songs, telling stories, dancing, walking, or tactile activities such as painting, gardening, or playing with pets.
Spend time outdoors. Going for a drive, visiting a park, or taking a short walk can be very therapeutic. Even just sitting outside can be relaxing.
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Dealing With Complex Emotions
Witnessing dementia in a parent is one of the hardest things we face as adults. We see our former caretakers become dependent and disabled, often over a long period of time. Even in the early stages of disease, we confront the vulnerability of someone who at one time we viewed as strong and powerful. The emotional consequences for adult children can seem endless and overwhelming.
Whether we are a direct caregiver or not, there is constant worry and preoccupation. When will mom get worse? Is dad yelling at the nursing aides again? When should we think about memory care? Additionally, one of the most unique aspects of human relationships is that we hold them in mind, and assume they are thinking of us as well. When a parent starts to forget, one of the things we may wonder is how much longer we will remain on their minds. After all, parents are supposed to worry about us, not the other way around.
Some of the hardest things for adult children managing dementia involve balancing worry and the realization that roles have changed. How people cope with these realities depends, in part, on the history of your relationship with your parent.
Consider When And How You Might Dial Back On Usual Medical Care
As you may have noticed, usual medical care tends to be quite oriented towards addressing the goal of helping people live as long as possible. This is done by intervening when people are acutely ill, and by using the emergency room, hospitalization, or even intensive care, in order to minimize the chance of a person dying. It also means providing chronic medical care and preventive care, again with a key goal being to minimize mortality risk.
This kind of care may sound good to you its what most of us expect from our modern medical system. But in fact, its worth rethinking when it comes to an older person declining from dementia.
Why? Because when people are declining from dementia or if they otherwise have limited life-expectancy usual medical care becomes less likely to help them live longer, or better. It also becomes more likely to cause confusion, distress, and medical complications.
Furthermore, usual medical care can crowd out, or directly conflict, with approaches that help people with dementia maintain the best possible quality of life and function. When given the opportunity, most families of people with moderate and advanced dementia eventually decide to prioritize the goals of well being and function helping a loved one be comfortable, out of pain, and able to enjoy companionship and the small pleasures of everyday life to the best of their ability over the goal of extended lifespan whatever the cost.
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How I Coped With My Mums Dementia
This weeks storyteller is Lesley Trenner.
Lesley, an Ageing Parent Coach, describes how she learnt to deal with her mums advancing dementia while making career decisions. She talks about how she now offers support to others facing similar challenges with their parents.
Looking back, we arent entirely sure when mums mental condition started to decline but about 5 years ago we became seriously worried about her. She kept losing her keys, leaving her purse in shops, repeating herself, forgetting how to use household appliances and talking about people who had died as if they were still alive.
Finally, we took her to the memory clinic and she was diagnosed with Dementia in Alzheimers disease.
It felt terrifying.
We thought that meant she was going mad. In fact mum didnt go mad and still hasnt. But she was slowly losing the ability to live on her own and some of her personality was gradually fading away.
The challenge of juggling work with care
At the time of my mums diagnosis I was working for a global pharmaceutical company. Id been there for many years in a number of senior roles around organisational change, communication and executive coaching.
Id always believed that helping people develop at work benefitted both the employee and the employer which is why managing work/life balance is of particular interest to me. If things at home arent going so well its going to affect performance at work.
Making a career change made care easier
How to cope
How Do You Calm Someone With Dementia
Caring for our elderly parents is not easy, especially if they get stubborn as they age and have signs of dementia in the later stages. They usually resist care and dig in their heels which are among the most common reasons why adult children look for outside help from caregivers or nursing homes.If you are having difficulties taking care of and dealing with a senior parent with dementia, you are not alone! We understand the struggles and challenges when it comes to convincing them to bathe, feeding them or getting them to the doctor, or simply communicating with them. The list practically goes on and on.
Thats why weve created this list of tips and best practices from caregivers, medical doctors, dementia experts, and other professionals, to help families of people with dementia. We hope this guide will help you learn how to foster connections with your loved one or parent suffering from dementia with empathy and care.
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Ten Tips For Communicating With A Person With Dementia
We arenât born knowing how to communicate with a person with dementiaâbut we can learn. Improving your communication skills will help make caregiving less stressful and will likely improve the quality of your relationship with your loved one. Good communication skills will also enhance your ability to handle the difficult behavior you may encounter as you care for a person with a dementing illness.