Try To Engage Conversation
Ask questions about the situation and the events that contributed to this outburst. Above all else, listen attentively to the explanation you receive, keeping in mind whether or not its sensible doesnt really matter.
Conversations give you valuable insight into what is really going on beneath the surface of these emotions.
Common Causes Of Aggression
Aggression can stem from:
- Confusion. When a senior is feeling disoriented and scared, they may act out with aggression.
- Physical pain or another unmet need. When a senior cant verbalize or address needs such as hunger, thirst, or pain, its common for frustration to build, Hashmi says.
- Emotional pain. Sometimes, agitation can be a sign that someone with dementia feels lonely, depressed, or isolated.
- Discomfort with a specific task. Does aggression come out specifically at bath time, bedtime, or while your loved one is getting dressed? These tasks may be triggers for aggressive behavior.
- Reactions to medications. Has your loved one recently changed medications? Do they experience difficulties with medication management? This might be interfering with their dementia diagnosis, leading to aggression.
- Vision or hearing loss. Issues with vision or hearing can compound the typical disorientation of dementia and can cause seniors to act out in confusion or as a cry for help.
- Sundown syndrome. Does your loved one become aggressive around sunset in particular?
- Fear. People often are confrontational when approached or touched by someone they dont know. For seniors with dementia, who may not recognize caregivers, doctors, and community residents, many daily interactions can alert a fight or flight response.
More About Dementia And Being Mean
Understanding how dementia changes our thinking skills is the beginning of understanding why someone experiencing dementia might be mean, and how to avoid getting aggressive and combative dementia behaviors.
But this is not a simple problem, so theres more to think about. In my next article, Dementia Anger Stage, Ill explain how wethe companions of people experiencing dementiaare actually in control of their moods rather than them. This is one of the key reasons for why relationships that include dementia are different from anything weve ever experienced before.
Read Also: What Is The Color For Alzheimer’s
How Can I Explain Something To Someone With Dementia Without Them Getting Angry
Caregivers may need to manage their expectations and know what kinds of conversations a person with dementia can hold. Holding complex and lengthy discussions with a person with the condition may only trigger frustration or anger.
It is essential to use a calm tone of voice and be aware of a personâs body language and facial expressions. Speak slowly and clearly, using short and simple sentences. Talk with them with respect, not as children.
Because a person with dementia has short-term memory loss, it is important not to include information about the recent past when explaining it to them. Do not bombard them with information. Instead, ask questions one at a time and give them time to process and respond.
Additionally, explain with âIâ statements, such as âI think we could take a break and sit down,â versus âYou should stop doing that because you might hurt yourself.â
Ways To Reduce Anger In Dementia
1. Accept their limitationsAvoid pushing seniors with dementia beyond their limits by expecting them to do things theyve been struggling with.
They arent refusing to do things because theyre lazy or refuse to remember.
Their brains are failing and theyre losing the knowledge and abilities they need to accomplish those once-easy tasks.
Accept where they are now and work with the skills they have today.
2. Reduce complex decisionsMaking choices about every part of their day isnt necessary, but there are some decisions your older adult may still want to make.
The goal isnt to take away their right to choose, but to simplify to make choices easier too many options are confusing and overwhelming.
For example, when changing, lay out all the clothes they need, but offer a choice between two shirts the red shirt or the blue shirt?
This way, theyre still participating in the process, but wont have to find and select all the other clothing items they need.
Similarly, for lunch you could offer a choice between two entrees you know they enjoy a ham sandwich or split pea soup?
That decision is much easier to respond to than a broad question like What do you want for lunch?
3. Slow downWere used to moving at a normal pace, but thats because our brains are fully functional and can quickly process information and thoughts.
When someone has dementia, those cognitive processes slow down significantly.
Recommended Reading: Is Aluminum The Cause Of Alzheimer’s Disease
Lean On Others For Support
Having a loved one with dementia can be overwhelming, especially when you feel you have to navigate the situation alone. Perhaps youre grieving the person mom or dad once was, or, if you care for your loved one yourself, you may be experiencing caregiver burnout.
This is where the support of other friends and loved ones is crucial. Take them up on their offers to help. Let a sibling take over mom or dads care for the weekend so you can focus on self-care or doing something you enjoy. Accept the offer for a friend to drop off dinner one night. Take the time you need to refresh by going for a walk or catching up with a good book.
Moving your loved one to a senior living community is another way to balance the burdens of dementia on you and your family. At StoryPoint, our licensed memory care neighborhoods are designed to accommodate the effects of dementia, and our specially trained teams know the proper tactics for caring for those with this condition. This means your loved one receives the absolute best care, and when you stop by to visit, youre able to enjoy it knowing theyre safe and in an environment suited to their unique needs.
Ways To Reduce And Manage Mean Dementia Behavior
1. Calm the situation downThe first thing to do is reduce the tension in the room.
Start by limiting the distractions in the room, like turning off the TV or asking others to leave.
And if you stay calm, theyre also more likely to calm down.
It might help you to count to 10 or even leave the room for a short time to cool down. Repeat to yourself its the disease as a reminder that theyre not intentionally doing this.
If the current activity seemed to cause the agitation, try shifting to a more pleasant, calming activity. Or, try soft music or a gentle massage.
2. Comfort and reassure while checking for causes of discomfort or fearTake a deep breath, dont argue, and use a calm, soothing voice to reassure and comfort your older adult.
It also helps to speak slowly and use short, direct sentences.
Then, check for possible causes of agitation or fear, like:
- Feeling disturbed by strange surroundings
- Being overwhelmed by complicated tasks
- Frustration because of the inability to communicate
It also helps to focus on their emotions rather than their specific words or actions. Look for the feelings behind what theyre doing as a way to identify the cause.
3. Keep track of and avoid possible triggersWhenever difficult behavior comes up, write down what happened, the time, and the date in a dedicated notebook.
Also think about what was going on just before the behavior started and write that down as a possible trigger.
Taking some time away can help both of you.
Recommended Reading: Signs Of End Of Life With Dementia
Mood Transferenceour Mood Becomes Their Mood
Think about this: If someone experiencing dementia cannot change their own moods, what happens when a caregiver arrives looking worried or concerned, or someone walks into the room in a bad mood? What happens is mood transference, because we need memory and rational thinking skills to protect ourselves from other peoples moodsand without those skills we can only absorb their moods and feel bad too.
Dementia Caregivers Get Impatient Annoyed Frustrated And Even Angry For A Variety Of Reasons Some Of Which Include:
- Things may not be happening as youd like or are out of your control
- Youre feeling overwhelmed in your role of caregiver, or feel like you do not have enough time for other aspects of your life
- Others arent helping out and/or are criticizing your efforts as a caregiver
- Unrealistic expectations of others, including the person who has dementia, and of yourself
- The care receiver may be doing things that are irritating or scary to you
- The care receiver may be angry about something, which can trigger an angry response from you, and the anger of both parties escalates from there
- Resentment of having to care for someone you may not have gotten along with in the past
- Role reversal resentment
- Inaccurate thinking
Its natural to get angry, but its important to mindfully manage what you do with it. One reason is that people who have dementia are sensitive to your moods. If they feel afraid of you, for instance, that could have a negative impact on the caregiving and care-receiving relationship that is ideally rooted in trust.
Another reason to mindfully manage your anger is that if left unchecked it can sometimes result in emotionally or physically harmful interactions with the person who has dementia or others and you want to avoid that at all costs.
The following tips arent a guarantee you wont get angry, but hopefully theyll help you respond in an effective and healthy way.
Don’t Miss: Can A Person With Dementia Change Their Trust
Tips For Managing Your Loved Ones Confusion
Simplification is key here, Hashmi says. To help minimize confusion, he suggests several ways to simplify both the home environment and your interactions:
Provide structure.
- Keep familiar objects around to help reorient your loved one.
- Label drawers and cabinets. This is especially helpful if confusion about where to find things is a common trigger.
- Use tools such as alarms, calendars, and to-do lists to help them remember tasks.
Deliberately use simple, short sentences and ask yes/no questions.
- Normalize their experience. Say, Youre confused. Its okay. Well figure it out together.
- Lead with what you think might be happening. For example: It seems like youre looking for something.
- Its often much easier for your loved one to answer yes or no questions, instead of coming up with the words themselves. Are you looking for your keys? Are you looking for your glasses?
Lastly, Hashmi says, it helps if you can learn to accept the confusion. In the moment, he says, whatever your loved one thinks is real is in fact their reality. For example, they might think theyre at work when theyre really at home. If that belief isnt hurting them or anyone else, its OK for you to play along a little bit. Confronting or trying to change the belief often leads to agitation and aggression.
For us as caregivers, we have to be OK with that confusion, Hashmi says.
Its Not A Dementia Anger Stage Its A Natural Stress Response To Something That Is Upsetting
However, if I were experiencing dementia, I couldnt do any of that because I would have lost the necessary skills. If my friend sounds distant and uninterested, I will take it personally. If my husband looks irritated when I slam down the phone and say something mean about her to him, my anger will increase and become grumpiness that persists. I might again be mean to my husband immediately or I might be surly or even aggressive with the next person I meet.
Don’t Miss: Will We Ever Find A Cure For Alzheimer’s
Why Your Elderly Loved One With Dementia Often Gets Angry
It can be difficult, at best, to be a caregiver for someone with memory-related issues. The longer their condition goes on, the more complicated things can get. Frequently, for those with dementia, Alzheimers, etc., anger can become an issue. They sometimes lash out.
Though anger in dementia patients is not uncommon, and aggression and feelings of anger develop intensely through the progress of the disease, throughout their lives, others may remain easy-going and pleasant. Unfortunately, you probably wont know what to expect until you get there.
Lets take a look at why some people act out in anger when dementia takes over and what can be done when it happens.
If You’re Looking After Someone With Dementia
Your needs as a carer are as important as the person you’re caring for.
To help care for yourself:
- join a local carers’ support group or a specialist dementia organisation â for more details, call the Carers Direct helpline on 0300 123 1053 lines are open 8am to 9pm Monday to Friday, and 11am to 4pm at weekends
- call Dementia UK’s Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline free on 0800 888 6678 to talk to a registered specialist dementia nurse lines are open 9am to 9pm Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm at weekends
Read Also: New Blood Test For Detecting Alzheimer’s Disease
How Relationships Change
Alzheimer’s disease does not change a personâs need for love and affection, but it changes many aspects of a relationship. You may lose the companionship of someone who has been close and important to you. Youâll need to find different ways to express your feelings.
Alzheimer’s disease can also affect the sexual relationship of partners. It can change a person’s interest in sex, either increasing or decreasing it. This may create a problem. For example, the person may put demands on you for more sex than is wanted.
A person with dementia may be overly affectionate at the wrong time or place. If this happens, explain the disease and its effects to the people involved to help them understand.
You may also find your role in your relationship has changed. Perhaps the person always looked after the familyâs finances and this task has now fallen to you. Making decisions about financial and legal matters may be overwhelming. You may need to ask family members, friends or professionals to help you.
The Alzheimer Society can help donât try to do this alone!
For All Family Members
Some of the most common feelings families and caregivers experience are guilt, grief and loss, and anger. Rest assured that you are not alone if you find yourself feeling these, too.
Guilt
It is quite common to feel guiltyâguilty for the way the person with dementia was treated in the past, guilty at feeling embarrassed by their odd behaviour, guilty for lost tempers or guilty for not wanting the responsibility of caring for a person with dementia.
If the person with dementia goes into hospital or residential care you may feel guilty that you have not kept him at home for longer, even though everything that could be done has been done. It is common to feel guilty about past promises such as âIâll always look after you,â when this cannot be met.
Grief and loss
Grief is a response to loss. If someone close develops dementia, we are faced with the loss of the person we used to know and the loss of a relationship. People caring for partners may experience grief at the loss of the future that they had planned to share together.
Grief is a very individual feeling and people will feel grief differently at different times. It will not always become easier with the passing of time.
Anger
It is natural to feel frustrated and angryâangry at having to be a caregiver, angry with others who do not seem to be helping out, angry at the person with dementia for her difficult behaviours and angry at support services.
Read Also: Hope Dementia And Alzheimer’s Services
Take Care Of Yourself Too
Itâs not easy to care for a person with Alzheimerâs disease, especially when they lash out at you. Itâs completely normal to feel overwhelmed, isolated, or sad.
If you are a caregiver, do yourself and the person you care for a favor. Let someone know if you start to feel depressed, anxious, exhausted, or irritable. If you take good care of yourself, you can take better care of others.
Show Sources
Our Most Frustrating Rational Thinking Losses
If Im experiencing dementia and you ask me to do something I cant do, Ill feel embarrassed, angry, hurt, or all three at once. Its essential that you understand what someone experiencing dementia is no longer able to comprehend for you to avoid getting combative, aggressive, and mean reactions.
Rational Thinking Loss #1Becoming unable to understand why.
Rational thinking skills are for understanding how, why, when, who and whatthe ability to perceive relationships between facts. Dementia takes that away. So if you try to explain to your loved one why they need to do something, or what went wrong, or how to do something, they will not be able to follow you and will end up embarrassed or concluding that youre making fun of them. Anger or hurt feelings will result. Whenever you catch yourself explaining why, stop. Youre asking them to do something they can no longer do. Youll have pleasanter interactions once you build new conversational habits and turn your focus away from why to talking about things that are pleasant.
Rational Thinking Loss #2Becoming unable to see cause and effect.
Rational Thinking Loss #3Becoming unable to follow sequences.
Rational Thinking Loss #4Becoming unable to prioritize.
Don’t Miss: My Father Has Dementia What Do I Do
Be Aware Of Your Loved Ones Well
There is a very high chance that your loved ones aggression and anger is due to them being uncomfortable. If you suspect that this might be the cause, then try to look for the following signs:
- Are they showing any signs of being physically uncomfortable?
- Could they be cold, thirsty, hungry, etc.?
- Is there a need for them to be cleaned up?
- Are there signs of them being in physical pain?
Since your loved one will eventually lose their ability to verbally communicate, they are going to resort to other forms, including gestures, shouts, anger, and others. As a caregiver, it is important for you to be observant of your loved ones well-being and identify if they show any signs of distress or discomfort.